Several years ago, a book was released that talked about Love Languages. It’s basically a different way of looking at personality profiles and their compatibility, or lack thereof, in a romantic relationship.
I’m writing this from Sarah-Jane’s dining room table in Rhode Island. We have shared a wonderful week together, celebrating Thanksgiving and so much more. My plane back to California leaves on Tuesday afternoon. With that in the back of our minds, we spent some time today just talking about life and things we find unique in our relationship as compared to past experiences. In a moment of inspiration, I said, “you don’t realize you have your own unique language until you meet someone who speaks it fluently, like no one ever has.”
Yes, we all speak English. We may use phrases or expressions that may be unique due to geographic regions, generations, or some other organic influence. For instance, after spending time in Rhode Island, I now know what a “bubbler” is! Our life experiences, together with our emotions, personality and intellect, work together to create a unique ‘life language’, or at least dialect, that others may or may not understand. Many don’t understand us at all, as if we were from another planet. But every now and then, someone comes in to your life who already knows it completely and speaks it fluently.
That’s not to say two people have the exact same experiences. It’s to say that things in my life have prepared me to understand the things that she has experienced and have shaped her into who she is. And the same is true in reverse. It is amazing when you can simply talk and listen to someone who just “gets it”.
It’s an awe-inspiring moment of individuality when we think about the fact that we all have a unique fingerprint from anyone else who ever lived. But how much more is it when we realize we all have our own experiences that distinguish us from even those who have known us all our lives. My parents raised me, but they haven’t had all the experiences I had. They couldn’t possibly have felt all that I felt in going through them. Conversely, I can’t know all of their experiences and how they were affected by them.
So many people get themselves into relationships based on superficial qualities. These qualities aren’t necessarily unimportant, but they’re not a foundation upon which a healthy, successful relationship can be built. We must be able to talk and share openly, and to be understood beyond a mere intellectual connection. Our life experiences teach us lessons that will serve us later in life. Not only in our own lives, but to be beneficial in the lives of others. Particularly those with whom we share our lives.
I don’t think I realized how unique my language was until I came across someone who speaks and understands it so innately. Gone are the attempts to find the right words to help someone wrap their heads around what I’m trying to convey. It’s more like just throwing it out there with the full confidence that no further explanation, pantomiming or analogies are necessary.