First, let me address the 800 pound gorilla in the room. I know it’s been a very long time since I’ve written. This post may shed some light on why that has been.
I have put a burden on my back that maybe I shouldn’t have. I have felt a certain obligation to have my posts be really inspirational and positive. There’s nothing wrong with those qualities, but what happens when the events in life aren’t all that inspiring? I’ve held off in writing because I didn’t feel I could be emotionally honest with you if I tried to be all inspirational.
I’m not going through a particularly difficult time. I mean, each day has its challenges. But I have no room to complain about my life. One particular day, I found myself frustrated and complaining about my DVR crashing, losing shows I had recorded and been longing to watch. That day also happened to be the day of the devastating earthquake in Haiti.
Say hello to a harsh dose of perspective.
There are times in our lives when our emotions are just kind of flat. Nothing excites us. Nothing moves us. In places and situations which typically stir my heart, I found that the needle barely moved on my barometer. I’ve stayed true to my commitments and obligations. But when I had nothing scheduled, I would find myself unmotivated to do anything that really needed to be done.
I know myself well enough to know that this blog is a pretty accurate indicator of the condition of my life. When things are going really well, I think you’ll be able to tell by what you read. When things are particularly difficult, I believe that comes across as well. But when I feel numb, when I feel as if I’m on life’s treadmill, there are significant gaps in my writing.
I feel that despite the fact that I can’t think of any life lessons worth sharing, or I’m not particularly inspired, I still must take the time to sit down and write. For me, writing is like a pump that ends up pulling whatever is deep inside me to come shooting through the surface. In times like these, writing is more like Drano. I need to spend this time and fight through the clog that is keeping me from the spiritual flow I so desperately need in my life.
So, with all this being said, I am going to do my very best to push through this period in my life. Some, most or all of the things I write may have no value to you at all, but it’s something I need to do in my own personal quest and development. At the same time, I pray that things I share may serve as a validation point to you in the event you have ever felt the way I do. Sometimes we just need to know that others go through the stuff we do. And I need to be open enough to show you that I go through difficult times, and don’t always handle them well or with great valor.
Barring an act of God which makes it impossible, I will keep writing, and praying that it will somehow serve to motivate and inspire.
Beginning with myself.