I honestly don’t know why, but I’m feeling really edgy today. I’m sure it’s a culmination of a great many things, the sum total of which cause me to feel overwhelmed.
Today is one of those days.
What is strange about it is that while I’m (mis)handling things, I can practically see myself from the outside. I can recognize and see that I’m not being myself…but I just can’t fix it. It’s weird. Meanwhile, I feel like my personal friendships are really flimsy right now. My professional life is uncertain and unfulfilling. My spiritual life is strong, but lacking the peace and joy I know I should have. Basically, I’m going through the motions. I’m faithful in my actions and obligations, but my heart is empty.
I’ve been here before, and I know it’s a temporary thing. Be that as it may, it’s my current status. I read what my friends are saying on their Facebook pages, or hearing and seeing the happiness others are experiencing around me. I don’t begrudge anyone those things. I just would like a piece of the pie. But, for whatever reason that is for my ultimate good, I’m not there right now.
In the meantime, I’m trying not to let all the little disappointments, and not-so-little ones, shatter my spirit. I feel on the edge of it, but I keep clinging to the hope of better times.