Yeah, I know…I’m a slacker. I know myself well enough to know that when I am not inspired to write, I’m in a bad place. It’s just the law of the land. I don’t want to sound all doom and gloom. It’s not like I’ve become a raging alcoholic or turned to a life of crime. I’m just in a bit of a dry spell in my life. Things just don’t seem interesting. Everything in life seemingly has a sepia tint to it. No color. Everything is just a different shade of drab.
Despite it all, I don’t have the feeling of abandonment. I have to admit, I do have abandonment issues. Oddly though, I don’t really feel like that. I know that God hears my heart. He’s given me little “love letters” vicariously delivered by people in my life.
I’m not someone who is prone to over-spiritualizing every detail in life. Some people see a red traffic light and automatically attribute it to God saving us from peril. I’m not going to say that some delays in my life haven’t had some divinely protective properties to them. I’m simply saying that I don’t think all of them do. With that being said, I do sense a certain degree of spiritual significance in more of the minutiae of my life experiences.
For instance, I’m feeling certain pressures in my life. That’s just part of life. It happens. The pressure isn’t a sign of my spiritual maturity, or lack thereof. However, how I respond to the pressure is an indication. I’m not always perfect in how I react when under pressure. But when I don’t handle things properly, I hope I’m quick to recognize and respond to it. I’m a believer that stress doesn’t change who we are, but reveals who we are. That being said, I believe that people can get stronger in handling their stress so that when those times come, they are more capable to handle them without snapping. The fires, the tests we endure serve to make us stronger and increase our threshold, our ability to handle even more than we could previously.
The past year has been, well…eventful. It’s held many sweet and triumphant moments, as well as some tragedies. Through it all, God remains my foundation. He remains faithful. His goodness to me isn’t measured by whether things are easy in my life. During this period, this seemingly barren season, it’s incumbent upon me to remain faithful, as He is faithful.
For those of you who have witnessed me not handling things as I should, I apologize. Please know that I’m aware that I should have handled it better. I do still hear from God. He’s faithful to show me, lovingly, when I miss the mark.
You know…as I wrap up this post, I remember how spiritually therapeutic it is to get all this stuff out. I guess that explains why my browser crashed right in the middle of my writing this. It may seem like an insignificant inconvenience. But I see it as a microcosm of this season. You try to do something of substance, and bam…an inconvenient obstacle interrupts your flow. How do you handle it?
I choose to not let it stop me.