My birthday is just under five weeks from now, and I received my first birthday greeting of the year in the mail Thursday. No, it wasn’t from someone I know who simply jumped the gun. I don’t know quite how to describe it, so I’ll just share the content with you here:
Dear COREY MATELLI
Hello…and Pack your Bags! IN CELEBRATION OF YOUR BIRTHDAY, you were verified as of 01/27/09 and as a result of this offer your name and Ticketing Number have been Identified and Issued! You will receive at your request Two Roundtrip Airfares to Anywhere in the Continental U.S.! Call within 48 hours and also receive a 7 Day Car Rental! We are excited for you!
WE’VE BEEN GOING CRAZY TRYING TO CONTACT YOU!
You must respond within 72 hours!
OK, a few things worth pointing out after reading this. Where to begin? First, ya gotta love how my name is so obviously pasted in. Different font, all caps, bold letters. Then, the use of randomly capitalized words. You also have to appreciate the fact that they think “round trip” is one word. Am I the only to also appreciate the missing punctuation? (don’t answer that.) Isn’t it wonderful how excited they are for me? They don’t even know me, and they’re that invested in my happiness! Heck, they’ve even been, “going crazy” trying to reach me! (I’m so elusive!)
It’s kind of a shame, but oddly fitting that this is my first birthday greeting of the year. It’s actually really funny to me. But then, I’m just embracing the fact that it’s not from AARP.