As of Tuesday, my mom was spending yet another night in the hospital. She is still struggling with the low blood pressure, but now she’s added an elevated heart rate. I guess I always assumed that those two wouldn’t exactly go together, but leave it to my mom. She has always been an over achiever.
I’m not exactly sure where I am with all of this. I’m either handling it extremely well, or I’m in some sort of detached sense of suspended reality. As I’ve said many times, my two worst days are still ahead of me since I’m blessed that each of my parents are still alive. But it’s inevitable that their days are coming. Despite my denial about myself getting older, it’s clear that we’re all aging. It’s so natural to see things like cars and computers become worn out after time and extensive use, but it’s hard to see human lives and bodies deteriorate. Especially when those lives have been the single human constant in your life since even before you took your first breath.
My mom has always had the gift of hospitality. It is so foreign to her to have people wait on her. As she is almost completely dependent upon my dad, I have to remind her that this doesn’t mean she is a burden to him. I remind her that if the tables were turned, and it was he who needed the constant care, she would do everything he does for her without complaint. She knows this, but even as she has reached the dusk of her life, she is so sensitive to the lives she’s affecting.
Death will come to us all. It’s a sad, but inescapable truth. My mom is spiritually and mentally ready to be with Jesus for eternity, but she’s concerned about leaving her husband, her rock, behind and alone. I guess I’ve just never been this close to “til death do us part” before.
Anyway, I hope this isn’t the beginning of the end for her, but I guess I need to face reality and accept that whether it is or isn’t, we’re one day closer to that day. When it comes, she won’t be suffering anymore. It’s just that the lives she touched throughout her life will have lost one of the great allies they’ll ever have. But she’s still here, and every day is another reason to celebrate what God has given us all these years.
The best is yet to come!